This weekend my best friend from the age of 11 got married to her high school sweetheart who happens to be one of my high school friends. I set them up together when we were 17, and FINALLY nearly 10years later, they tied the knot. It was beautiful.
Veronica and I were in form two / year eight together, and while we’re both incredibly different (she’s the chalk to my cheese, and I’m the ketchup to her ice cream sundae), we’ve managed to maintain a strong friendship over the last fifteen years. She’s always been there for me – through my darker and brighter days – and of course it’s been mutual.
It was at my high school ball that Veronica saw a photo of her then future husband, and decided she wanted me to set them up. You hear about those stories of “love at first sight”, but I’m happy and blessed to now know two couples (both of whom I had a hand in arranging) who are just that. The happily ever after, love at first sight couples.
And here’s me over here all… yep. Always the bridesmaid – never the bride.
But you know what? I’ve realized something.
I’ve had so many conversations with people recently – and the reception at Veronica’s wedding was no exception – about how life is “supposed” to be. We’re supposed to chase the dream, chase the bank balance, chase the mortgage, the marriage, the babies, the “life”. Why? Discussing this tonight with my friend Vanessa, and she brought up this little doozy:
with the accompanying conversation around how we are dictated so much about how we should run our lives, and for what? Does it actually bring us happiness or fulfillment?
For example, I’m Fijian, and I get a LOT of odd looks when I tell people I’m not married, and don’t have children… especially since I’m 26 now. Yep. I’m a Pasifika spinster….
But it goes further than that. Western civilization does the same thing – our society is told to forever chase the dangling carrot. We’re told what to want – not asked to genuinely follow our gut. We’re told money is success, status is value, and possessions equate to our self worth. We need the perfect marriage to be considered valid. We need the perfect house to be considered good enough… for who, I’m not sure.
Sure, it works for some people. But I guess the point I’m trying to make is; if it doesn’t work for you, why are we forcing it? Find your own funk. Whether it’s a travelling gypsy (as is my next endeavor haha), or 9-5 suit and tie; do what makes YOU happy, not what’s EXPECTED of you. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life chasing a carrot when you don’t even like the damn things.
Chase the fucking cherries or something. Do YOUR thing.
Then again, carrots can be pretty amazing if that’s what you want. I have moments of envy for carrot chasers, especially as I’m often unsure about what it is exactly that I’m chasing, but I tell you what. For now, it’s NOT marriage and kids.
So I’ll happily be the bridesmaid ❤