In order to find yourself…

First you must lose yourself.

“I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure know where I’ve been” – Whitesnake

But honestly, I feel like I’m on this crazy to fuck knows where, and I’m both petrified and loving it.

With just a month to go before my contract comes up at Chimney Corners Camp for Girls, I’m thinking two things:

1. What the fuck am I going to do for a living after this?

2. Where the fuck am I going to live?

The rebellious hippy teenager in me knows it’s all going to work out. I’ll head to Boston or something, get a job waitressing, kick ass at it, busk (street perform), gig, and figure out what to do after that. Especially since one of my besties is moving to Boston – I’ll be able to kick it with him for a bit until I find my feet. Intuitively, I KNOW it’ll all work out.

Then the other part of me is more “I need to find a car”, “I need to be responsible”, “I need to be an ADULT”. Now, there’s a scary thought.

I want to be a teenager again. I want to be reckless and rock n roll. That’s why I came here in the first place.

Chatting to two of my Facebook buddies tonight (seriously, social media is a wondrous thing), and I’m reminded that all of these feelings I’m feeling through at the moment are EXACTLY the same feelings as if I were still back in NZ. The only thing missing is my security net really. But then again, I DO have a security blanket here – online, and through the beautifully random people I seem to meet wherever I actually go.

Life is a weird and wonderful beast.

So yes. While I am soaking nature up at the moment – along with youth work, giving back to the community, and writing/singing as much as I can, I’m looking forward to this next challenge come the end of August.

Because we never really know what’s going to happen next; all we can do is be prepared. And go for fucking GOLD!!!

And here’s a wee snippet of a new song I wrote today… šŸ˜‰


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