Yesterday while having lunch in Lee, MA, my friend and I posed the question “if your life were a movie, who would play your role?”. Another friend responded “I don’t know if I’ve had enough events in my life to warrant a film being made. Which made me think… if I were to deduce my life to three key points; three pinnacle moments that have lead me to where I am today, what would they be?

So far, I think I have the following:

I was born with a relatively rare condition called hydrocephelus which means I have a cyst in the middle of my brain, and a shunt going from my head to peritoneal to drain out my cerebrospinal fluid or CSF. Simply put: I’m freaking lucky to be here. I’ve had 24 operations in my lifetime – 22 of which have been directly, or indirectly, related to this “condition”, and it was at four months old that I had my first of these surgeries. While that event in itself could be considered cataclysmic, I don’t consider that to be the key “epic moment”. My epic moment would be my mother in all of this, because during this whole ordeal it was her who was doing the most fighting – on her behalf, and on mine. It’s my mother that instilled in me that I’m a fighter, and that I deserve to be here, and that I can achieve ANYTHING if I stick to my guns, and fight for it.

Which makes my second EPIC moment feel like such a let down in a lot of ways…

In order for this next point to make sense, I need to give you a bit of background… It’s a little sensitive of nature, so please read with love and understanding in your heart… teenage years aren’t easy for a lot of people… mine were rather strange.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12 years old, and put on antidepressants at the same age. When I was 13, my intermediate boyfriend sexually assaulted me and I was sent to a different school where, due to a variety of events, I dated a guy who went to jail before I was then sent to live with my dad around the time of my 15th birthday. It was at this point that my uncle raped me, and I was sent back to New Zealand where I ran away from / got kicked out of home and lived on the streets for a while before I met someone who helped me get my shit together, convinced me to finish school and give up drugs. Not long after school however, one of my best friends died from health complications, my exboyfriend committed suicide, my surrogate dad died from alcohol abuse, and my dog died all within the same year… then the love of my life (so I thought at the time – I’m happy to know that he’s now engaged to his soul mate, and is doing very well for himself) and I broke up. It was an incredibly difficult year for me. BUT my ever-fighting, ever-resilient mother convinced me to see a psychiatrist. So I did.

I cannot for the life of me remember what his name is, but to this day, I credit him for how my mindset, and my overall life is now. He helped me take the control back of my life, and reminded me that every feeling and every decision I have is completely mine – not something that is DONE to me, but rather something that I can decide on. Incredibly empowering person, so – if you are reading this, sir; thank you.

I was twenty five when I lost 23kg.
I was twenty five when I broke up with, and got a restraining order against the guy I wrote Addicted to a Dream about
I was twenty five when I was featured in New Idea Magazine and New Zealand’s Good Morning Show
I was twenty five when I completed my first year of Crossfit – one of the most life-changing activities I ever decided to take up
I was twenty five when I completed Tough Mudder, and
I was twenty five when I decided to move to America after New Zealand’s election results came in.
Twenty five was a huge year of change for me.

So the film of my life keeps on rolling… changing… I keep growing, and with every new year comes new developments, challenges overcome and strengths developed.

If my life were a movie, I’d like someone epic to play the lead role – someone strong and empowering, because – if nothing else – those are qualities I’m aspiring to possess.


2 thoughts on “Epic

  1. You really went through all of that? I knew you were amazing, but you have unimaginable nay UNEQUIVOCAL strength. You keep going, you keep seeing the best in everything still. Thank you for sharing. I know that your past is a part of your strength, but i’m still sorry to hear about many of the things you’ve kindly opened up about. It mustn’t of been easy. You’ve honoured your life so much, ya’ll rock!!!


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