Three Months

For some reason The Irony Kid’s latest blog was emailed to me, but wouldn’t show the whole article when I clicked on it.. so I thought I’d repost, because it struck quite a few chords with me.

Yep. You may have guessed it.

The boy and I broke up. My decision, but it’s still not exactly fun and games. It was one of those instances where I was writing Midnight Ramblings and realized halfway through that I was essentially talking the talk, but not walking the walk. That what I was experiencing was a fascination; not actually following my heart, or my values.

There’s a quote from Amanda Palmer that summarized it quite nicely:

“A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out.
A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house.
“What’s that terrifyin’ sound?” asks the friend.
“It’s my dog,” said the farmer. “He’s sittin’ on a nail.”
“Why doesn’t he just sit up and get off it?” asks the friend.
The farmer deliberates on this and replies:
“Doesn’t hurt enough yet.”

I decided I didn’t want to get to the stage of it “hurting enough”… so here I am. Reading, and quoting the Irony Kid… and adding my own two cents at the end. Let me know what you think!

1) I’m terrified and excited to love someone

Loving people comes in many forms and I’ve realised just how many people I have in my life that I love to death. People I would honestly take a bullet for. I’m no longer afraid to just tell people just how damn much they mean to me. But the idea of loving someone romantically scares me and will continue to for a very long time. I’ve come to accept that.

NB: I wonder if this is why I have an exceptionally good habit of purposefully getting involved with people when I know it’s doomed from the start. I call it “the artists curse”, because you know that inevitably, there will be a good song that comes from it haha.

2) It will take a patient person to love me

I’m not going to hide from the fact I will be a difficult person to fall in love with. I will probably run often and for what seems like no reason, I will not want to commit to anything for a long time, and my own life will be a priority.

NB: my career is definitely the important thing here.

3) I’m stronger than I thought I was

I thought it would break me completely to watch my future and the person I loved almost more than myself walk out of my life, but it didn’t. It took me a few months but I know what I want in life and I’m stopping at nothing to get it.

4) I have a very specific list of things that will put me off someone

If he’s like an ex, in any significant way, I’m out of there.

NB: in any significant NEGATIVE way – smoking, excessive drinking, lying, drug taking, abusive… no thank you!

5) A crucial part of moving on and staying classy is pick a ‘type’ and stick to it.

Tall(ish), dark and handsome. Check.

6) It’s easy to make mistakes when you’re not sure of what you want

I decided early on exactly what I would and wouldn’t do with any new guys until I’d decided what I wanted. I simply had no idea where I stood on anything: flings, new relationships, all of it. So I just put it all in the no basket until I made a decision.

7) Walk away from people early on

If something is pretty clearly wrong with a new friendship or relationship, move on. It’s not worth the crap at the other end if it’s not even right to start with.

NB: I pretty much have a three month make or break period. The latest boy made it just shy of three months. It sounds callous, but it is what it is. If the “magic” is gone within three months, how is it meant to last a year/decade/life? And by “magic”, I mean: not having ridiculous fights over crap that no one cares about on a regular basis.

8) Put yourself first

Breakups suck, especially when you’ve given a lot up for someone. So I decided to give myself the permission to do life how I want to, and not be afraid of people leave because of it. Never let your identity slip away for someone else’s benefit.

9) Accept you’ll be hurt at some point, and don’t be afraid

It sucks. But make sure if you’re likely to be a position you could get hurt, that it’s worth the pain.

10) Good music will save you

There will be tough nights and days. Don’t compromise on your music. Listen to whatever resonates with you and heals those broken little parts of your soul.

11) Listen to your gut

Enough said. It’s always right.

12) Get dressed for yourself

It’s easy to crave attention when you suddenly find yourself single… But make a conscious effort to dress and get done up in a way that makes you love you, not so someone else does.

13) It’s ok to hurt

If you collapse on your bed crying, let yourself cry and don’t feel guilty for it. You’re allowed to hurt so deeply you struggle to breathe. You will breathe again.

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